Comments on: The Essentials: The Films Of Michael Bay, A Retrospective

By: actlonman

actlonman — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:23 +0000

The Rock A+
Bad Boys II A+
Bad Boys A
Transformers A
The Island A-
Transformers 2 B+
Armageddon C+
Pearl Harbor C

By: Edward Davis

Edward Davis — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:23 +0000

Whoa, this actlonman is apparently baked sky high when he watches movies.

By: dead farts club

dead farts club — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:23 +0000

actlonman just ate a shitload of paste.

By: styles

styles — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:23 +0000

Cage\’s character is named GOODSPEED, not Godspeed. Also…fuck Michael Bay.

By: Marrrk

Marrrk — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

a few thoughts:

– terrible taste in films but wonderful taste in third-person speaking has actlonman

– i wish Bay\’s only job was to come in and direct action sequences for other directors. I\’m looking at you, Chris Nolan.

– wait, wait, wait, wait. Scarlett offered boobs and Bay turned them down?? fuck this fucking guy.

By: Erik McClanahan

Erik McClanahan — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

Thanks Styles. Correction made on the name.

By: actionman

actionman — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

Actionman does enjoy getting baked and watching Michael Bay film, yes. But above all, Actionman feels that Bay\’s brand of badassery and action filmmaking is the best in the biz.

By: Thislalife

Thislalife — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

\”Bad Boys II\” is an action masterpiece. Transformers 3 is literally some of the best on screen action ever.

The real question is what does Bay do now?

By: Kathleen Walsh

Kathleen Walsh — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

I want to hang out with actionman.

By: Abner

Abner — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

Peter \”A Perfect\” Stormare made me wince.

By: actionman

actionman — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

http://actionman-nickspix.blogspot.com/2011/06/recovering-from-bayhem.html

Kathleen — I\’d hang out anytime 🙂

By: Xian

Xian — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

“It’s amazing to have a movie where you can look at five minutes and go, ‘That’s a Michael Bay movie.’ To have a style that distinct — like it or hate it, it deserves study.” The same could be said of Ed Wood and other mediocre or simply bad artists.

By: Edward Davis

Edward Davis — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

@Marrrk 2nd # point, absolutely, Bay does action like no other and someone like Nolan COULD use him to direct those action sequences.

But action only does not a good movie make unless like @actionman, you put a massive premium on action over basic, cogent thought.

By: scribe

scribe — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

Oliver, the opening of this piece: Greatest two sentences ever written! Says everything.

By: Rashad

Rashad — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

Armageddon is a solid B+

By: zxcvb

zxcvb — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

One Michael Bay in the Criterion Collection — totally fine. Shitty as he is, future generations can look at Armageddon as a prime example of Hollywood junk in the 90s and 00s.

Two Michael Bay films in the Criterion Collection — go to hell.

To be fair, I think at least one of the insert essays is written by Bay\’s old college film professor, who was on the CC decision-making staff, I guess. So that might explain his inclusion (beyond $$ reasons).

By: Mr. Arkadin

Mr. Arkadin — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

I really disagree with the statement/notion that he has a distinct style or could be titled an auteur for that matter (crazy idea!). Bay just (re-)makes the same 2-3 (popular action) films/sequences since 1995.

Therefore it\’s more like: \”OMG, those money mongers gave this idiot another ~150+ million dollars and he did shit out roughly the same movie again.\”
\”How does it look?\” someone might still ask.
The answer: \”Expensive, very expensive! Some SFX/CGI guys had a lot of work – and did a fine job -, but other than that, it looks, sounds and feels sterile and totally devoid of any human condition you could hope to relate to.\”

…

\”Well, that there is exactly his unique, over the top bombastic style, a testament to his creative influence as a controversial filmmaker. Also he makes a lot of profit!\” [/smug]

Ultimately I guess: Fuck Michael Bay and fuck his \’supporters\’ just the same, because not being able to combine action and storytelling is not a talent, it\’s a lack thereof. He is certainly not one of the worst, but most certainly not a unique director.

Bad Boys [D+]
The Rock [C]
Pearl Harbor [E]
Armageddon [D]
Bad Boys II [E]
The Island [C+]
Transformers [D]
Transformers 2 [F]

By: Gabe Toro

Gabe Toro — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

Not sure what an \”E\” is, but I am down with Mr. Arkadian\’s feelings.

By: Jessica Kiang

Jessica Kiang — Fri, 13 May 2016 14:17:22 +0000

@Gabe an \”E\” is a fail grade in some parts.

And I must also agree with the majority of Mr Arkadin\’s assessments – there is no way Pearl Harbor or Transformers 2 should be given passing grades.

Honestly, The Rock may not be his only watchable film, but for my money it\’s definitely his only REwatchable film. And we\’re talking maybe two, three times max, over the course of a lifetime, including that time you came home drunk and caught 8 minutes of it on TV before passing out.