You can blame Lucas or LeBouf or Ford but ultimately they weren’t responsible for Steven Spielberg’s Massive Dump on Every Single Fan of Indiana Jones. The blame must be squarely put on Steven Spielberg for witnessing George Lucas take the only good thing he’s ever done and raping it to death, and then watching him rape its dead corpse some more and then thinking to himself, “That looks like a good idea.”

It was almost like a perverse, malicious joke on Spielberg’s part to spite all the people who had invested so much in the series, “Yeah well this thing I’ve put out into the public consciousness, thereby making it the property of more than just me is actually just MINE and I’ll run it into the ground because I fucking CAN.”

In “Raiders” the Paramount logo dissolves into a mountain. In “Temple of Doom” the Paramount logo dissolves into a silver mountain embossed on a giant gong. In “Last Crusade” the Paramount logo dissolves into a mountain. In “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” it dissolves into a molehile. Isn’t that interesting.

I hope to god, you’re a nerd that normally likes these films though rather than just a cynical fuck like me. I would LOVE to hear SOMEONE from one of these nerd sites speak out against the film, but they all seem to pretty much adore it or at least think it’s still pretty great.

I read what you wrote on 5/18, and must be honest, after seeing it last night, I don’t think you were harsh enough. Soulless? Absolutely. Meh? Yes. Nothing special? Right. If the Andy Garcia/Al Pacino mobster movie that came out in 1990 had just been a mediocre island unto itself, it would have been just that, mediocre. But because it was “The Godfather III” it was an abomination.

“Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” was a fucking abortion. Someone should have sniped Spielberg as soon as he wrapped filming on “Munich.”